Ishtarmuz’s Letter to Abe Lincoln, Another Rebuttal to Mark Williams’ Letter to Lincoln. Link: http://bit.ly/azPikf
April 10, 1865
Dear President Lincoln,
You are about to receive one of the most despicable letters you will ever get and I just thought I ought to warn you. The claim will be made that it is satire, but at its core it shows more hidden truths about, not only what will euphemistically come to be called the Tea Party, but our country. You don’t need to know anything about this Tea Party group before you read, you will recognize it. I have taken the liberty to show the letter now so that you will not be so shocked when you receive it:
We Coloreds have taken a vote and decided that we don’t cotton to that whole emancipation thing. Freedom means having to work for real, think for ourselves, and take consequences along with the rewards. That is just far too much to ask of us Colored People and we demand that it stop!
First off, if I were writing you Mr. Lincoln, then I would want to clearly hide the fact of how well I understood the mind of a southern bigot. The presumption here being that all blacks were enslaved uneducated southerners that talked like their masters at the time of the War of Secession. After all, many of the generational masters never did a days’ work in their lives, but owned the real workers. What are they to do without someone doing all the work for them? Well, someone like George Washington Carver will come along and invent, but not patent, hundreds of useful ideas from which they can make a profit. How patriotic and forgiving of such a black man. He was born last year.
In fact we held a big meeting and took a vote in Kansas City this week. We voted to condemn a political revival of that old abolitionist spirit called the ‘tea party movement’.
The notion that the Tea Party has anything to do with the abolitionist movement, other than both being fringe groups bent on turning the Republican party into something they are not, and reminding you that the Republicans went kicking and screaming to the cause both times to ensure the survival of the party, just smacks of an irony too pathetic to miss.
The tea party position to “end the bailouts” for example is just silly. Bailouts are just big money welfare and isn’t that what we want all Coloreds to strive for? What kind of racist would want to end big money welfare? What they need to do is start handing the bail outs directly to us coloreds! Of course, the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People is the only responsible party that should be granted the right to disperse the funds.
I am more than disgusted with this satire here, I am incensed. His modest proposal that we should not just eat our misbehaved corporate children, but we should feed them to the blacks by way of having the NAACP doing the serving, just is not right. I think that if we are going to eat the corporations, then everyone should get their fair share.
And the ridiculous idea of “reduce[ing] the size and intrusiveness of government.” What kind of massa would ever not want to control my life? As Coloreds we must have somebody care for us otherwise we would be on our own, have to think for ourselves and make decisions!
I would wonder just how unthinking, compassionless and ruthless certain sectors of a society would have to be in order to need such a big government. Maybe, the gentry should lose their land, Mr. Lincoln, to big government because they gained it off the backs of slaves. If we don’t do this those gentry will be allowed to keep it and turn the slaves into near slave sharecroppers for another hundred years. Clearly, we never have had a race problem as much as a greed problem of the privileged few that have used race to cover theft. Entitlement my ass. The only people crying about entitlements to the poor are those that support those entitled bastards that profit off them. I should think reparations would have no color.
The racist tea parties also demand that the government “stop the out of control spending.” Again, they directly target coloreds. That means we Coloreds would have to compete for jobs like everybody else and that is just not right.
This is suggests to me, Mr. Lincoln, that you need to explain to the tea party what it means to be half-baked. Just as the prejudgment of racism is half-baked, so too is the idea of stopping spending in the middle of a recession. Maybe we can spend money on putting people back to work in the South now and end this racist rant that will fester for another hundred and fifty years? Maybe, I shouldn’t mention that idea, it might get you shot. After all, those jobs would go to blacks and that would ruin their sharecropper plan.
Perhaps the most racist point of all in the tea parties is their demand that government “stop raising our taxes.” That is outrageous! How will we coloreds ever get a wide screen TV in every room if non-coloreds get to keep what they earn? Totally racist! The tea party expects coloreds to be productive members of society?
Mr Lincoln, all I hear here is about things, and the power over things. It is with that power over things they wish to control people. So like a three year old saying ‘it is mine’, they don’t wish to share, but retain control over that little bit of soulless self they have left. History, both past and current, has shown us that they will not share, no matter how Christian they claim to be.
Mr. Lincoln, you were the greatest racist ever. We had a great gig. Three squares, room and board, all our decisions made by the massa in the house. Please repeal the 13th and 14th Amendments and let us get back to where we belong.
And we have heard as much from some segments of the tea party. Too bad this was not just satire, but just what some idiots think should happen.
Precious Ben Jealous, Tom’s Nephew NAACP Head Colored Person
I am beyond words here that I can even write, Mr. Lincoln. Don’t go to Ford’s Theater on April 14th because Our American Cousin does not end well for any of us.
Letter as seen:
and was originally here: